Regret, Thy Name is Blizzard

You were so cold and inviting and cheap. An ephemeral treat to slake a nagging longing. But like an uninvited guest, you keep hanging around. Belch belch belch

Robo Toilets

Not so long ago, going to the public toilet was a relatively easy exercise, long lines (women's rooms), filth and dread notwithstanding. Sure it took a bit of maneuvering to get into the narrow stalls without making too much contact with any surface that might transfer some icky germs to our person. For most women, we'd gotten it down to a bit of science, especially if we were toting along luggage or shopping bags, or, god forbid, kids.

If anyone had consulted with women, I am sure their biggest three suggestions for improvements to public restrooms would have been: a) bigger stalls; b) copius bag shelf/coat hooks; c) foot controls.

Not so recent improvements in public toilets, save for in a few upscale places don't seem to include any of these common-sense, practical upgrades. Instead what women have gotten, likely from men designers/engineers is, automation. Yes ladies, someone out there didn't think you could do it manually!

Self flushing toilets. Taps that turn on with a wave of a hand. Self-squirting soap pumps. Towel dispensers that feed out the right sized sheet at flash of a palm. All wonderful future-now mod-cons! Yippee! Well, not so fast. Certainly all that automation would be fine if they worked as promised 100% of the time. But I am sure you've been in the bathroom at the airport watching some hapless woman waving like a lunatic at the tap, or worse yet, pressing and pushing to no avail. Perhaps that lunatic trying to brush her teeth after a gnarly flight was you?!

Call me a Luddite, but I really do not think that toilets needed this kind of futuristic mod-con upgrade. First of all, what if the power goes out? Do all these places have backup generators that are connected to the toilets.

Sure I hate to enter a stall where the previous user has left an unsightly unflushed deposit (of any number). I am guessing that the drive to automate the toilets especially, comes from a drive to make bathrooms more sanitary. Whatever the reasoning--whether it's sanitation concerns or just moving along with the technology of the times, I say, "Bah, humbug."

My experience with these automated toilets has been an exercise in frustration. Why? I don't like being flushed upon in midstream. The problem with all these toilets is that the sensors are either too sensitive or they are not sensitive enough.
I have a rather time-consuming routine when I use a public WC. These are the steps.
1. Wad up tp and wipe the seat.
2. Spread 2 strips of TP on each side of the seat. (doubled up if no #3)
3. Spread a toilet seat cover (when available) over the TP on the seat
4. Sit. Deposit.
My routine was breezy with the old fashioned manual toilets.

Now with the robo-toilet, my life is a terrifying tangled tp tango.
The trouble when the toilet flush sensors are overly sensitive, halfway through my routine, the blasted toilet flushes, splashing up droplets to the seat, sucking down my protective tp or my seat cover. That's a pain in the ass, then there's the water in the ass when, just as you sit on your little safety next about to do the business, the sensor says, "Sorry I think you've been in here a while so I better just flush." I really don't like springing up like a march hare in the middle of my deposit.

Now let's say the sensor isn't as sensitive as it should be. You've made a deposit of a more solid type and you want the toilet to flush...or even say you've only made a liquid deposit and you've stood and zipped and ready to depart. You turn and stare or even move about a bit, but still no flush. There's a line out there, backed up into the mall or the terminal or the movie theater--wherever and still no flush. You wave your hand frantically over the little dark patch with the mysterious red light. You look around for the manual override button--not always well placed--and now your face is right over the fountain of germs, ready to push when finally the thing decides to do what it ought to do! There you go again having to spring up like springbok!

It's all very disconcerting. I don't like it one bit.

Now you are out trying to wash your hand and you can't get a flow going, the water temperature is right out of Goldilocks and the three bears--too hot, too cold and not just right. There's soap dispenser but you can't tell where the spigot is so it squirts on the counter. You are now Zero for Three. At least you can get a bit of paper now! Right? Wrong! Well maybe not all wrong. I do hate the manual paper dispensers that are so tightly packed that when you pull on a sheet all you get is that damp broken off corner. So in some ways, I think the paper dispenser is the best addition, though I would argue that the dispensers that had the elbow bar, allowing women to use their elbows to crank the feed was genius. Low tech and effective--just like the toilet with the simple handle--one placed on the floor so you can use your foot to flush. That and a bigger stall is all we ever asked for!

P.s. The only thing I really like is the new DYSON air blade. Now that's a great hand drying device. No more endless brisk rubbing!